I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
