...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
