nut hugger
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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