i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I can feel your judgement through the phone
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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