So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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