i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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