dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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