The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dear god my vagina.
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