he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
i've created a new STD.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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