im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize