Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
3pm strippers are depressing
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
