the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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