Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
