i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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