I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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