She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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