She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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