I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
