He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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