i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
