I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
