btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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