dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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