I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
