life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she smelled like a LAN party
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
