Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
