How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
