He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
