she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
