Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
