If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I need moral support for this bender
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
