Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
handjob tips. give me some.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
