She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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