just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize