You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
there is puke in my bra ... again
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