My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
