First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
