my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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