I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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