I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
