i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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