so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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