i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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