Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
