I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
