im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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