he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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