hotel room ftw
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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