now i know why i became what i already was.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
