you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize