Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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