ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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