i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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