They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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