I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you have to choose: penises or morals?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
