You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize