I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
