Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
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