last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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