if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
