question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I'm really busy with my period
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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