so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Randomize