The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize