I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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