Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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