We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
