have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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