i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize