Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Come share oat with me in your robe
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
