but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
