Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
