You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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