clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
