when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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