I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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