Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I love having hate sex.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
