I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the day after is always just damage control
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
