mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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