I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
