smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
