I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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