I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
