you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
NoShamevember. You game?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
