my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize