watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
