I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
