This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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