i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
