Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
This house was built for laser tag.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize