You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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