youre lurking in front of me
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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