He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
