I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
