Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
