You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
